Fears and tribulations

So, what do I actually feel about Sarah Palin? I've suffered so many mixed emotions and I've come to the conclusion that she has let me down somehow. I, like everyone else, got caught up into the orgy of opportunity that she brought to the public stage. She was something none of us had ever seen before and it was an instant love affair that lasted maybe two weeks. But now that period is behind us and nobody cares any more about killing moose, hockey moms, or any other stark populist malarkey. She is to be judged strictly from here on out by her ability to clearly and effortlessly relate her policies and plan for turning this stink hole of a country into something a bit less odious to the world. She is facing perhaps the greatest challenge of her life and this is no time for the often baffling answers she has thus far given to the three heads that have interviewed her. She hasn't done well in these interviews and has only recently taken to accepting reporters' questions where she has fared considerably better. It seems as if she is certainly able to think and articulate her ideas when they are actually hers to disseminate. She has been, unfortunately, programmed to adhere to a very specific policy and her words have come out as unsure and uncommitted as her brain attempts to pull up all the facts she has been plied with by her handlers.

But, she will not be able to rely on her previous training when she sides off against her opponent. She will be forced to speak her mind and to answer challenging questions and rebuttals in front of perhaps one hundred million people. My hope is that she goes on the attack and stays there for the duration. I want to see her anger, her brutal streak that is so often derided in the press who after the initial love affair have turned on her. I want her fangs bared but oh so professionally handled and I want to see some frank passion injected into this race. Polls show that the public has cooled on her and she needs to reassure America that she knows things that are important and not that she has merely said exactly what they want her to say.

My opinion of her has fluctuated over time. I want to like her because she represents temerity, order and a sort of decency that is sorely lacking in contemporary politics. She's earnest, forthright, and charismatic in a way that disarms many people who are unwilling or unable to accept the virtues coming from a conservative woman. She is a feminist who understands the terrible reality that abortion represents although she will not actively seek to quash legislation that has determined it to be a right for any woman faced with such a psychologically damaging decision. She will not challenge the Constitutional right to free speech nor will she destroy the environment or stand in the way of necessary progress in alternative fuel sources. She is not so backwards as to believe that diplomacy does not have it's rightful place in dealings with rogue nations. She is more than guns and glitz and I believe is capable of understanding the complexities of the world situation. Having said all that I am troubled by her inability thusfar to clearly express her views on complicated topics in various interviews. She seems to talk in circles and has not demonstrated a firm grasp on issues that are of vital importance to our safety and viability.

Imagine what it must be like. Here's a vulnerable human being who is like the rest of us of average intelligence and suddenly she is expected to wax poetic on a variety of complicated topics that most of us could never articulate. How many of us understand the bail out or even know the names of all the world's leaders? How many of us can find Pakistan on a world map? Who knows what NATO stands for or what a sub prime loan is? It's absolutely true that it requires many years of diligent study to truly understand the nuances of any subject. She is supposed to know in detail material that is certainly new to her and that is why the bar for the debate with Joe Biden is so low. She is but a child in her pajamas wandering from her bedroom to where the adults are involved in heated political conversation that she cannot comprehend. Her intentions are pure but cannot make up for the fact that she is not yet ready for the ultimate stage where millions wait in rapt anticipation of something vital they can put their hopes and trust in.

As it stood she didn't have to speak and the fuck-hungry masses would salivate over her. Liberals secretly adore conservatives because their guilt makes it so they want to be punished by a surly Father brandishing a terrible implement of instant pain (and gratification). Sarah Palin promised this plus the added bonus of thigh high black leather boots and pure, ribald sex appeal. (See, it's always more thrilling for the liberal to be bashed and beaten by a hot little minx with unadulterated cruelty in her eyes and a flaming urgency between her milky white thighs.) Actually, come to think of it, liberals slobber over the possibility of being brought low by a powerful minority figure who has emerged out of the dank darkness to declare their freedom (Che Guevara eroticism).

So, all that we have left is a nervous, frayed woman who must make every effort not to sound like an idiot on the biggest stage one could possibly imagine. Maybe a hundred million people will see this thing in the hopes of being admonished by someone who with the crossing of her legs can and will upset the perfect balance of order that must be retained at all costs. Every congressman holds desires to be punished by the Kitten with the Whip. It's not sexism to want to fuck a woman of extraordinary power. It's only forbidden to let her know in no uncertain terms the nature of your desires. Just a pat on the arm is condescending. A half, faint smile across the room is a national scandal. But the intensity of the erotic power will subliminally effect all of those men who come in contact with her. Pakistani President Zardari only said what will afflict them all when the apprehend her for the first time. It will remain unspoken but will agitate them for the duration of their interaction with her. Somehow the same doesn't apply to Condaleeza Rice or any congresswomen to speak of. Nobody wants to be grabbing the hair of any of them and mounting them from behind. Who wants to hear Barbara Boxer shout out, "Yes, oh god, that's it. Jesus, oh..."? Not many.

Sarah Palin represents perfect order, totemic power, and liberal totalitarian fantasies. With her guns and potential appetite for torture she poses a real threat to women who pretentiously label themselves feminists and it's delicious to watch them scramble amongst themselves to come up with enough words of derision to heap upon her. This is a conservative woman who may very much hold in contempt the bodies of women stupid enough to get themselves into such a mess that they have to order the murder of innocent life just to maintain their personal integrity. But as I've discovered she isn't anti-woman just because her beliefs prevent her from ascribing to a hysterical view that allows for women to take out their self-hatred on fetuses. She doesn't want any pregnant woman to lose her life. Her only fault is not going far enough and supporting the recently proposed bill that would give poor women a check for $1000 to be sterilized. Not that she could mind you but she could endorse it none the less.

Ultimately, this is a terrifying and glorious time to be alive. It's a time for unmitigated disaster and the dashing of consumerist softness and complacency. Sarah Palin has brought drama back into our lives and although the media continues to bash her there is enough of her goodness and necessity remaining to encourage and enlighten. Sure, I've had my doubts and have not been impressed with any of her three interviews. Indeed, they have only revealed that she has been commanded to adhere to a strict script and when she attempts to go off of it she tends to babble incoherently. But her lack of coherency will not trouble the mass that she has affected with her charm and style. They will probably take her mutterings for profundity because of the great number of words she will use. "Hey, she knows a bunch of shit I don't know. She's a gosh darned genius, that woman." But the media will examine every hesitation, every syllable, every aspect of her interaction with Mr. Biden and they will inevitably find tremendous fault in her oratory. She cannot possibly defeat Biden even if he does say something patently stupid. If he sticks to his script and articulates his views on the various topics there is no reason he shouldn't utterly trounce Sarah Palin. But, if he's soft on her, if he fears coming across as a bully and plays the whole deference game with her without really meaning to, then she might be able to elevate her game just above the shallow and hopelessly naive and it could turn out to be a draw. This would be universally praised in the Conservative press as a resounding victory although you will be hard pressed to find their sentiments in very many major media outlets.

Sarah Palin deserves the benefit of the doubt. No matter what she does in the debate she will not be considered a failure because there isn't a pundit or newspaper editor alive who imagines she will actually be able to hold her own. I certainly don't. Nonetheless I'm pulling for her and do hope she manages to come across as least somewhat knowledgeable in the debates. I don't want her to be any more of a laughingstock than she already is although that hardly seems possible. To be elevated so high only to have them shooting spears two weeks later hardly seems fair. Usually we allow our stars years to build up their careers before we crucify them but that does not apply in her case. It's one of the strangest turn of events in the modern electronic age. To rise and fall so quickly is utterly unprecedented and it has to be taking its toll on her. It can't but affect her that so much negative energy is being directed toward her. And it's a whole lot of negative energy right about now. Many liberals can't wait to see her fall on her face because she has threatened the very core of their shaky beliefs. She has gotten to them and that's all she needed to do. Take a hardcore conservative and add sexuality and what are perceived to be antiquated beliefs based in biblical truth and it upsets the very thin fabric with which they have woven their lives. Sarah Palin does scare people like very few politicians have done in this culture. But this very fact is precisely what her enemies have feasted upon because it stimulates them in ways they are loathe to acknowledge. They get off on being so riled up and it's good for them to find an actual thing they can rally against. All the imaginary bogeys of the past just aren't doing it anymore.